Surah 115: The Pig

Bismillah:

The hurried flight of the Hegira had led the Muslims to a fertile oasis, where they were at last safe from their many enemies in Mecca. Pausing, each thanked Allah the moon-god for their good fortune.
Assembling at a long table, they enjoyed rare delicacies brought by bare-breasted sirens whose faces were veiled. During the feast Muhammad sternly forbade his disciples to partake of pig flesh, while fondling the youthful breasts of a Nubian harlot named Sheba.
Obeying the Prophet, the pilgrims partook of the succulent flesh of jackals and vultures, washing their food down with strong wine.
“I never dreamed I’d have to eat the loins of a jackal, let alone the bitter entrails of a cursed vulture,” observed a hungry pilgrim named Ahmed to a fellow Muslim, choking on the unpalatable morsels.
“Neither did I, but the Holy Prophet has ordered it,” grumbled another starving follower, almost heaving as he consumed greasy vulture flesh.
“A rancid pork chop would taste a hell of a lot better than this crap does,” retorted Ahmed.
“It’s an acquired taste brother, you’ll get used to it,” spoke up another, smiling with a mouthful of rotten teeth.
“I don’t think so,” said Ahmed, forcing down a burned jackal testicle.
An uncaring Muhammad, famished, greedily wolfed down roasted jackal in enjoyment, quaffing from an earthenware wine carafe on occasion, while choosing which of the sirens that would soon endure his favours.
The meal finished in the late afternoon, a drunken, lustful Muhammad initiated a sex orgy with the sirens, the debauched Holy Prophet, Allah speaking through him, declaring all earlier betrothals or marriages of the women he knew null and void. The Muslims celebrated their good fortune, again thanking Allah for the bounty they had been blessed to receive.
Later, as Muhammad sat half-naked under a palm tree, masturbating to the thought of molesting little girls, Ahmed chanced by and remarked, “Oh great prophet, why does Allah say that we cannot dine on delicious porcine flesh?”
“Why?” asked Muhammad, closing his filthy, tattered, moth- eaten robe, “Because Allah’s younger retarded cyclops brother is a pig, and Allah doesn’t want us killing his holy kinfolk.”
“Allah is a pig?” asked Ahmed, staring at Muhammad.
“Of course,” replied the deranged Prophet, hallucinating thanks to ingesting strong hashish minutes earlier.
“That’s ridiculous, why in hell do we worship pigs?” asked Ahmed, thinking his flight from Mecca may have been the result of heeding the words of a false prophet, possessed of a capricious desert demon who delighted in seeing them consume the flesh of vermin. “Because they’re better than we are,” answered a smiling Muhammad, now fantasising about raping little boys, “Look at me, I’m little more than a lecherous child molester, thief and murderer!”
“True, but pigs can’t even talk!” exclaimed Ahmed, digging a heel into the sand.
“Allah can, he speaks to me in my dreams,” retorted the wildly hallucinating Muhammad, barely able to focus on Ahmed, seeing him in double vision.
“You’re a madman,” declared a disgusted Ahmed, “I’m heading back to join the infidels in Mecca!”
“Who cares?” retorted Muhammad, slurring his words and breaking into riotous laughter.
Prophet Muhammad, opening his robe and again reaching for his flaccid sex organ, was too occupied with masturbating his building erection to reply further, while Ahmed disappeared behind a sand dune.
“What a stupid, perverted, licentious bastard,” spat Ahmed, walking off, “Muhammad is crazier than a shithouse rat!”

Was very pleased to read in today’s Letter from Prebble that a brother of the Sgt Roy Prebble killed in WWII has been located. Allan Prebble was too young to go to war, but lost both his brothers in it….